What Now?
by IsabellaSmith1974
Summary: From where it was left from episode "Hell Bell's". Behind the scenes of after Xander leaves Anya. What could have been...
1. Who Now?

**All characters belong to joss whedon and buffy the vampire slayer. This my first Fan Fic so be nice. I know where this story can be going but it may change for the better. Please review if you enjoy and want more or to say how I could be improved. Sorry for any OOC xx**

Anya slowly walked down the aisle, tears flowing down her cheek. Trying hard not to break down and cry. The man she loved, the only man she ever loved, the man who taught her what love was had just walked away from her. Away from their wedding and the future they could have had together.

Everyone was watching her as the traditional wedding music played in the background. Blood spilling from the cut on her arm but the pain was not as severe as the ache from her heart. No one needed to be told of what happened. The whole scene was heart breaking. Even the demons felt sympathy towards Anya.

It seemed that Anya would walk the whole aisle when she suddenly stopped; staring straight in front of her with a wounded expression on her face. It took a moment but the music eventually stopped. An awkward silence hung through the air. If wasn't intruded until Mr Harris, who was still drunk from the many drinks he had previously had, said,

"_**Why couldn't he have left her before I paid for the wedding?"**_

Instead of reacting to this inconsiderate remark, Anya just stayed in her unresponsive state. This was when Buffy realised it was time for people to leave. She started to usher Xander's family out through the back, ignoring the comments from Mr Harris. The staff had already left becoming conscious that this was a private affair. The Demons happily left, not liking the sight of human feelings. And even Dawn left when lead out. Willow had gone looking for Xander, who had recently disappeared, so there was only Buffy, Tara and the sorrow Anya.

Buffy was going to comfort Anya, in spite of never really being close with ex-vengeance Demon but she too knew what it was like to have her heart broken, when Tara had stopped her.

"_**Let me. You g-go look for dawn-n."**_

Silently thanking Tara for saving her from consoling with Anya, Buffy heads over to where Dawn had left. Tara had seen the looks D'hoffyrn had given Anya and knew she had to do something to stop the ex-vengeance Demon from going back to her retribution ways. The truth is that Tara cared for Anya very much. Since the alone time in the bathroom, which felt like a life time ago, Tara always felt like Anya and her were the outcast of the Scooby's, seen as only the girlfriends of the group.

From that time Tara and Anya had bounded to the relationship of good friends. The fact that Anya was practicing her vows with her showed that if anyone was to stop her from becoming a Demon again it was her. And that was exactly what she was thinking as Tara approached the still standing Anya, placing a gentle hand on her unhurt arm.

"_**A-Anya I t-think it is t-time to get c-cleaned up." **_

, unspeaking a curse to her stutter. She knew that Anya would feel physically better if she was cleaned and had different clothes on. Hell even leaving the empty aisle may make her feel better. All she wanted was Anya to be well again. The state Anya was in was all too familiar of hers a few months ago when she left Willow.

"_**Why?"**_

Anya finally whimpered from her now dry lips, silent tears still continuing down her pale face.

"_**Why w-what?"**_

Anya now turning to face the other blonde, her eyes searching Tara's, trying to find answers to her many questions. The Wiccan unsure on what the ex-vengeance Demon was asking.

"_**Why do we feel like this?... Why does it hurt so much?"**_

Seeing the confused look on Tara's face, Anya continues.

"_**Why do we let ourselves get hurt like this?... Everyone says how love is all nice and warm inside but it all ends badly. Look around. We are all alone. All hurt because we let ourselves love. I was happy. Yesterday I was happy. Happy with Xander and now... now I am unhappy and alone and in pain and I don't understand. It's like when Joyce died. I...I just don't understand."**_

Anya then let herself go. Grabbing onto Tara and crying heavily on her shoulder. It was all too much for the still new human. Even after the now years of returning to her human state she still hadn't grasped to all the feelings. But for one thing for sure she knew she was safe in Tara's arms. The shy Wiccan was the one person Anya could be herself and knew she would not be judged but cared for.

All Tara could do was hold her. Let the worst bit get over with. She knew it wouldn't get better any time soon but Anya had to take every step at a time, the only way to not give up. That was how she got through it. But for Anya she would not be alone. She would have her. Although she had already started to mend things with Willow, Tara still had things to go through. Now they could go through it together.

**To be continued ...**


	2. What Now?

**All the characters belong to Joss Whedon. This is the second part of the story which I did promise. Please leave a review so I know to keep posting or not. It will be continued and sorry for any OOC Xx**

Tara knew that Xander loved Anya and it puzzled her on why he would leave the ex-vengeance demon. The wedding may have not started the way they must have wanted it to but it was dealt with. Tara was aware that she did not know the whole story. If she was ever going to understand Xander's action she would need to hear the whole story, but that would require Anya to stop crying.

When Anya grip on the Wiccan weakened, Tara pulled back and wiped her cheeks from her now drying tears. She hadn't noticed, until the other blonde gave her a confused look, that she had been crying herself. Not as much as Anya but still enough to make the rim of her eyes red.

"_**I guess we both need to get cleaned u-up" **_

Tara joked trying to lighten the mood, which was now turning into something awkward as they were still in the aisle. At first it looked like Anya would start crying again but instead she shrugged her shoulders and headed towards the door to the corridor.

Anya wanted to talk to Tara because she knew it would make her feel better but she couldn't yet. It was all still too much for her to accept. Xander had left her so she wouldn't get hurt but doing so broke her heart. He promised her that if he was to leave her that there would be a sign, a big flashing sign. There was no sign, or at least one that she had seen.

When Anya opened the door to the room she had earlier got ready in, she was surprised to see D'Hoffryn standing in the centre of the room. She wondered if he had seen what had just taken place with Tara. She didn't need to ask, the look on his face told her the answer. He had.

"_**Anya, I am deeply sorry of what happened. I can see you are in great pain and that is why I think it is best for you to return to what you do best..." **_

Tara was following Anya through the corridor. The once happy place, being prepared for a wedding, was left with a deserted feeling. Anya's mood seemed to be affecting everything. Even the walls appeared to be darkening.

Slowly the ex-bride reached the door. Before opening it, Anya took a long pause then entered. Tara knew this would be hard for Anya so she let her enter alone, giving a few moments to adjust before following. That was her plan before she heard the all too recognizable tone and voice.

Tara barged in, placing herself between Anya and D'Hoffryn. She didn't know where she suddenly got this courage from but she knew she couldn't let this demon use her friend in her vulnerable condition.

"_**Get out"**_

Tara barked at the now shocked Demon. D'Hoffryn always saw the blonde Wiccan as shy and unable to stand up for herself. It always surprised him to see her with Willow. But here in front of him was not the same person he was previously thinking of. This person reeked of confidence.

"_**I believe I was talking to Anya, Ms Maclay. So if you would excuse us we would like to finish our conversation."**_

The way D'Hoffryn was acting as if what he was intending to do was okay sparked a bigger flame in Tara's anger. Now she was beyond angry at this Demon.

"_**I thought I made myself clear. GET OUT!"**_

Tara shouted at him. Tara had almost forgotten about the quiet Anya until she heard her voice silently say...

"_**D'Hoffryn, she is right you should leave. I know what you were going to offer and I decline. There is still so much I need to learn as a human again even if it is more pain."**_

Anya was amazed at how Tara had protected her. She knew that if Tara was not here that she would have probably accepted D'Hoffryn's offer. The way Tara spoke to the demon showed her that there was a reason to be human. The reason she wanted to stay human was because someone cared for her, and that was all she really needed; besides great sex and money.

"_**(Sigh) if that is what you wish Anya. It is shame. You will always be my favourite. If you do end up changing your..."**_

D'Hoffryn stopped halfway through his sentence. The look Tara was giving him told him it was a bad idea if he was to carry on.

"_**Well I'll see you around. Tell Willow I said 'hi', I didn't manage to catch her before she left"**_

Before anyone could say anything, D'Hoffryn was gone. All that was left was one annoyed Wiccan and a fed up ex-vengeance demon. They both didn't know what to say so they helped each other out of their dresses and into some robes they had found. There they sat in silence, in a loveseat, until Anya said...

"_**Thank you Tara. I know I probably wouldn't have done that for you"**_

Well at least she was acting more like the Anya they all love and cared for.

**To be continued...**


	3. Where Now?

**All Characters belong to Joss Whedon. This is the third part of the story. Much more can come but please review because if no one likes it I can stop and do another fan fic as I have many ideas. Enjoy x**

All Tara could do was smile at Anya's comment. She knew that the ex-vengeance demon was telling the truth. Anya wouldn't have shouted at a demon, which could easily kill you in a second, to stop a friend from making a big mistake. If you had asked Tara the day before, she herself probably wouldn't have done it but something deep inside her told the Wiccan that it was the right thing to do. She didn't regret it either.

"_**It's o-okay Anya. I, myself, am not sure w-what came over me. I guess I never knew how much I c-cared for you."**_

A knock on the door reminded them that they needed to get changed and leave as they were still in the changing room. The door slightly opened to reveal a male face.

"_**Miss, is it okay if you leave soon as we need to get cleaned up. I don't want to rush you but it is getting late."**_

The voice came from a tall middle aged man with jet black hair. His expression showed you that this wasn't the first time he had witnessed a wedding without a happy ending. It seemed like he had rehearsed that speech.

The man left the two girls alone to get dressed and disappear. When Anya heard the footsteps becoming less clear in the corridor she turned to Tara. For a moment she just stared at the girl. She wanted to say how much it meant for her to be here but one thought kept on coming to mind.

"_**I should disembowel Xander for what he did to me... or maybe melt his intestines... or give him syphilis again, cos I know how much he hated it when..."**_

"_**Anya, stop it! I don't know w-what happened between you two but that doesn't m-mean you should hurt Xander."**_

"_**I was just saying..."**_

"_**Well stop. W-we need to get dress then go on f-from there."**_

"_**Fine."**_

Anya reluctantly replied. Understanding that Tara was right, she just wanted Xander to pay for betraying her. She knew that Tara was probably more reasonable right now so she stood up and started getting changed into her normal clothes.

Tara thought she may have been too harsh on Anya but was happy that the shop keeper agreed with her, even if it was just for now. The blonde Wiccan sees Xander as a brother figure although she has only known him for a few years. The constructive worker had stood up to her scum of a brother and to the rest of her family. Since then Tara always thought Xander had almost took over the role of a brother for her.

Luckily Tara had left her clothes in the room as she was uncomfortable leaving the room after Anya's little rage. Although Anya had calmly got changed and packed, Tara could still feel anger pouring off the ex-vengeance demon. Tara guessed that Anya had turned her grief into ire.

They were both heading out of the door when Anya suddenly stopped halfway. She looked at Tara with a lost expression.

"_**Where do I go?"**_

"_**W-what do you mean?"**_

"_**Well I can't go Xander's apartment so..."**_

"_**Oh, um d-don't you have your own a-apartment?"**_

"_**I did but I sold it when I moved in with Xander. It helped to pay for the apartment."**_

"_**W-we could head over there and see if it is available."**_

"_**(Shrugs) It is getting close to sun down so we best be going."**_

With that Anya opened the door and headed down the corridor. Tara followed closely, carrying a few bags that looked lighter than they really were. Passing a few staff members, who were clearly avoiding looking at Anya, they finally got outside. The rain had subsided but Tara knew it would be best to get a cab, especially as the bags were now too much for the Wiccan.

As Tara called for the cab, Anya sat on the damp curb. She clearly didn't mind getting a wet patch on the back of her jeans. Tara felt sympathy towards the other blonde as they waited for the cab. After a few minutes Tara gave in and sat next to Anya despite the fact that she was wearing a skirt.

"_**Do you w-want to thumb wrestle w-while we wait?" **_

Anya gave Tara the most genuine smile she could handle at her state. She really did enjoy thumb wrestling. They managed a couple games before the cab finally pulled up. If only they knew what was to come. If they did, they probably wouldn't have got into the cab.

**To be Continued...**


	4. Stop Now?

**All characters belong to Joss Whedon. Sorry for the slow start but it will get interesting soon. In the next few chapters the rating may get higher as there will be adult themes. Reviews are welcome. Enjoy x**

The whole cab ride home was in silence. Neither knew what to say. Tara wanted to find out what happened to the not so long ago love birds but understood it may be too soon. While Anya wanted to go on and on about how she wants to punish Xander but knew that Tara wouldn't like it. It was strange for the ex-vengeance demon to consider other people's feelings however right now she didn't want to be alone. She feared that Tara would leave like Xander.

When the cab finally arrived at the block of flats, Tara paid the cab driver, and both girls got out as quickly as they could. It was getting dark and if Anya's old apartment was not free then they would have to stay at Tara's dorm. Walking through the campus when it is night is never safe.

Carrying the bags, they entered the quiet lobby. It was a decent size lobby with the least amount of decorations possible. The carpet was a dim cream and the walls where covered with a murky blue wallpaper. A couch and a coffee table stood to the right, while the long desk was positioned to the left. An old lady sat behind the desk that seemed huge compared to the slender woman.

Tara could tell that the older woman recognized Anya because when the other blonde greeted the receptionist all she could see was fear in her eyes.

" _**I thought you left with your violent and sexual philosophy."**_

"_**Mrs Martin, you didn't think I would miss your mature smell, did you?"**_

'_Maybe this wasn't a good idea' _Tara thought.

"_**Anya, what is it that you want?"**_

"_**I was wondering if my old apartment is free."**_

"_**Why what happened to the new apartment you could not stop talking about?"**_

Mrs Martin may have disliked the younger girl but seeing the hurt expression on her face told her that this was not the time.

"_**Your old apartment is free. This is Sunnydale so flats don't go fast."**_

Tara was glad that the receptionist changed the subject. Not ready for another one of Anya's break downs or rages. Tara really wanted to just sit down as her feet were hurting so she thought it would be best to hurry things along.

"_**Anya was wondering if she could rent it as she needs a place to stay for a while."**_

"_**Sorry sweetie but if she wants to rent it back she will have to wait till morning."**_

Mrs Martin gave them a sympathetic smile, surprised to see Miss Jenkins hanging around a girl who seemed very sweet. Realising the time, Tara knew they would have to leave soon if they wanted to get to her dorm before dark.

Saying goodbye to the elder woman Tara turned and lead Anya out of the lobby. Already seeing the first hints of darkness in the sky, Tara started to walk down the street, forgetting to tell Anya of her new plan. She would have kept on going if she wasn't stopped by Anya's clearly annoyed voice.

"_**Where are we going now?"**_

"_**Back to my dorm. It is the only other place I can think of for tonight. We can come back tomorrow and sort out your a-apartment."**_

"_**Do we have to walk there?"**_

"_**Yes. The campus isn't far so if we hurry we can get there before dark."**_

"_**(sigh) My feet are sore."**_

Despite the fact that both blondes were tired they managed to get to Tara's dorm before dark. Tara opened her door and ushered Anya in. They both dropped their bags to one side and sat on the Wiccan's bed. After getting a few drinks and a quick snack, as that was all Tara had in her dorm, they where both exhausted by the long emotional day.

They had relatively been quiet all evening but now it was getting late and they both knew they couldn't sleep without talking about a few problems. The real dilemma was that their problems were very different.

"_**Where do I sleep?"**_

"_**Um w-what do you mean?"**_

"_**Well there is only one bed and we can't share because you are a lesbian. I don't want to wake up with you groping me."**_

"_**Good God Anya! Why the hell would you think I would do that?"**_

"_**I thought the whole lesbian thing was a good enough reason."**_

"_**Fine I'll sleep on the floor as you are obviously uncomfortable sharing a bed with me."**_

"_**Great now you have made me feel guilty. Do you have any clothes I can wear? I am not sleeping naked in your bed."**_

Tara just sighed and walked over to her draws. The Wiccan knew that Anya had no problem with her being a lesbian. She picked out a tank top and some shorts, and handed it her.

"_**The bathroom is down the hall so you can get cleaned up and dressed."**_

Anya took the clothes out of Tara's hand, giving her a small smile. She was about to leave when she decided to hug Tara. It wasn't something she would normally do but she thought Tara deserved it. Out of everyone she knew, Tara was the one that helped her through what seemed to be the worst day of her thousand something years.

The hug was a shock for Tara. The only person Anya really showed any affection of some kind was Xander. Yet here she was, hugging her. Of course it was slightly awkward but it was nice. Tara didn't really know how long Anya was going to hug her so she held on gently.

After a few moments Anya let go and walked out of the dorm heading down the corridor, leaving behind a still shocked Wiccan. It took a couple blinks for Tara to fully adjust to what just happened. Then to herself she softly said...

"_**What have I got myself into?"**_

**To be continued...**


End file.
